The things that i like to do (essay)
OUTLINE
Topic : The things that I like to do
1. Listening Music
a.
Pop
-
Korean song
-
English song
2.
Watching
a. Music Videos
-
K-Pop MVs
b. Drama / Movie
-
Detective
-
Mystery
-
Family
-
Action
c. Variety show /
Reallity show
-
Korean show
3.
Learn Language
a. Korean language
b. Chinese language
c. Thai language
Many people have their own way to kill time . Like
reading, watching, cleaning, etc. And I have my own ways to kill time. Through this essay I will tell
you my ways to kill time. Actually
there are so many things that I like to do in my room. But I chose the most things I
do.
First, maybe this is very ordinary thing, but for me this is
a must. The
song is Korean song and English song. For Korean song, I don’t know why i like Korean song the most even though i
don’t really understand. Korean songs have unique characteristics and rhythms. Like Monsta X
boygroup from Korea, they have their own style. Very manly and made the heart
of the woman melt. And then English song, I listen to English songs to improve
my English skills and I can find new words that I do not understand. Just like
korean song, English song also has characteristic. I know this is old but, I
really love Westlife. My parents introduced me westlife song when I was a kid.
I listen to music almost every day, when busy or not. I have to listen some musics to get rid my stress, at least
3 songs.
The second one is watching music video. Music video that I often watch is a Korean
song. Then there are dramas
and movies. I really like dramas / movies that detective genre, horror,
mystery, family and action. If it's free, I'll watch the drama. The last Thai drama i watched was Side by Side. This drama
tells about a badminton athlete. They are brothers and one of them has
special flaws. This is great drama, you must watch it! Because i was crying
while watching it. The last, variety show.
I really like the variety show from Korea, because their edits
are very good and the artist is very funny. I have
one of my favorite shows. The name of the show is 2Days 1Night. This show
introduces us about how beautiful Korea is. Not only that, the artist was
really funny like Jong Min Kim, he’s been 10 years in this show. I like it very much.
Last but not least, besides listening to songs and watching, I also learned some languages.
Such as Korean,
china and Thailand. I learned Korean
from songs and dramas, as well as Thai and Chinese languages. Korean
language is very complicated, same as English but more difficult. But not as
hard as Mandarin. The first thing i learned is how to write it, Korean alphabet
is easy compare to with Mandarin and Thailand. Then i learned how to pronounce
it. Because i often listen to Korean songs, this is not too difficult
hahahaha. In this
globalization learning more than 1 language is very important. Therefore,
i want to improve my language skills.
Doing those things are very useful while
it is still positive. Because, it can eliminate the
fatigue that we get from while doing the activity. So
that are the things i do in my free time. How about yours ?
Hi, Krisna. Your paragraphs in the essay are well-structure. I just have a suggestion for the second paragraph, I think the contents are not related to the subtopics. I think it is better to change the second paragraph's main topic into watching videos, then you can explain what videos you are watching.
ReplyDeleteanother suggestion will be for this sentence: Because, it can eliminate the fatigue that we get from while doing the activity. I think it is better to be this way: Because, it can eliminate the fatigue that we get from (while) doing the activity. you can choose either while or from. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteHi krisna, nice post you've written there and you really did a great job. My suggestion for you is I think you'd better consider about the second paragraph because I think your supporting sentences in the second paragraph is not related to the main idea. Secondly, I think you should pay attention more about how to use punctuation. All in all, I like the way you explained it to the reader and of course I look forward to seeing your next article. Keep it up ya :)
Hello Krisna, Glad to see your essay, I think Your paragraph was well-structured. Easily for me to understand your main topic, major and minor sentences from your essay, it because you marked the word. Just for suggestion, You need to check capitalization in your essay like "i" should be "I" and "china" should be "China" also maybe you can change this sentences "I really like the variety show from Korea, because their edits are very good and the artist is very funny." become "I really like the variety show from Korea, because their animations are very good and the artist is very funny.
ReplyDeleteThank you and keep it Up Krisnaaa
Hello krisna. Nice post and your essay is well structured. But i think you made a mistake in the opening word. You can combine the 1st and the 2nd sentences into 1 sentences.
ReplyDelete"Many people have their own way to kill time like reading, watching, cleaning, etc. and I have my own ways to kill time."
Thank you krisna. Cheerss
Hi，krisna. Very lucky to see your easy. I am really agree with what Brenda and others said. You should be careful about your second paragraph , it be influent your topic.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
Hi, krisna. ur essay has a good structure. and it is clear that show us what u like to do. but if u can more pay attention to the the relationship between paragraphs and paragraphs is better. and other small mistakes i agree with breda. thank u .
ReplyDeleteHello, Krisna. Your essay has a well-structure. It is easy for me to understand your main topic and subtopic.
ReplyDeleteBut I have some suggestions : for your essay , I think the first paragraph and the second paragraph have some same point .
Thank you
Revision
ReplyDeleteMany people have their own way to kill time . Like reading, watching, cleaning, etc. And I have my own ways to kill time. Through this essay I will tell you my ways to kill time. Actually there are so many things that I like to do in my room. But I chose the most things I do.
First, maybe this is very ordinary thing, but for me this is a must. The song is Korean song and English song. For Korean song, I don’t know why i like Korean song the most even though i don’t really understand. Korean songs have unique characteristics and rhythms. Like Monsta X boygroup from Korea, they have their own style. Very manly and made the heart of the woman melt. And then English song, I listen to English songs to improve my English skills and I can find new words that I do not understand. Just like korean song, English song also has characteristic. I know this is old but, I really love Westlife. My parents introduced me westlife song when I was a kid. I listen to music almost every day, when busy or not. I have to listen some musics to get rid my stress, at least 3 songs.
The second one is watching . I like to watching music video. Music video that I often watch is a Korean song. Then there are dramas and movies. I really like dramas / movies that detective genre, horror, mystery, family and action. If it's free, I'll watch the drama. The last Thai drama i watched was Side by Side. This drama tells about a badminton athlete. They are brothers and one of them has special flaws. This is great drama, you must watch it! Because i was crying while watching it. The last, variety show. I really like the variety show from Korea, because their edits are very good and the artist is very funny. I have one of my favorite shows. The name of the show is 2Days 1Night. This show introduces us about how beautiful Korea is. Not only that, the artist was really funny like Jong Min Kim, he’s been 10 years in this show. I like it very much.
Last but not least, besides listening to songs and watching, I also learned some languages. Such as Korean, china and Thailand. I learned Korean from songs and dramas, as well as Thai and Chinese languages. Korean language is very complicated, same as English but more difficult. But not as hard as Mandarin. The first thing i learned is how to write it, Korean alphabet is easy compare to with Mandarin and Thailand. Then i learned how to pronounce it. Because i often listen to Korean songs, this is not too difficult hahahaha. In this globalization learning more than 1 language is very important. Therefore, i want to improve my language skills.
Doing those things are very useful while it is still positive. Because, it can eliminate the fatigue that we get from while doing the activity. So that are the things i do in my free time. How about yours ?